Poetry
Two Pieces
By Amanda Papenfus
In Hiding
5...4...3...2...1...
Ready or not,
here I come...
The white shower curtain flutters
as my brother brushes by the closet
where I crouch upon on a filing cabinet,
shielded by a rack of billowy winter coats.
Minutes go by—
there’s been no seek, only hide,
and this is good because suddenly, it starts,
the screaming, like a siren, shrill and piercing.
Hands pressed to my ears, I feel
as if the cold wall I lean my back on
is really pressed against my chest,
determined to stop my heart from beating.
Eyes closed, I listen, glad that it’s not me,
for once, that’s getting yelled at....this time,
only because I’m still hidden, thanks
to a childhood game of hide and seek.
But that won’t save me
from next time.
Our Secret
“Shh...Don’t say a word...
This is our little secret...”
His hand snakes down
between my legs—
I bite my lip.
I’m not allowed to cry.
Crying is for bad girls,
and I’m a good girl,
Daddy’s little angel,
but Mommy can’t know.
She wouldn’t like this,
and we don’t want Daddy
to be in trouble do we?
He kisses me the way
he kisses Mommy.
I don’t like it at all.
I’m so scared, but I trust him.
He’s my Daddy— how can I not?
So I squeeze my eyes shut
and grit my teeth hard—
It will be over soon.
Why does this happen?
He says I’m a good girl
and this is my reward,
but I feel so very dirty.
I told Daddy once
I didn’t like this.
He hit me and said, “Shut up,”
then cried and said, “I’m sorry,”
buried his face in my neck—
I don’t say anything anymore.
He doesn’t mean to hurt me.
My daddy wouldn’t do that,
but he could get in trouble,
if anyone ever knew.
Finally, he rolls off me,
kisses my forehead—
“Goodnight, my Angel,
and remember…
this is our little secret.”
The door closes.
My tears fall.
I hold on tight to my Teddy.
I hurt so much,
and only Teddy knows,
because this is our secret.
